Not long ago I was battling sciatica, so I went to see a chiropractor to see if he could help me find some relief. Thankfully, with treatment, that discomfort went away fairly quickly, but he said something to me during my initial visit that was rather life changing. I have spent a great deal of time pondering on it, and feel impressed to share it here with you, even though it’s quite personal.
I came in complaining about my lower back, but as part of the exam he noticed that my upper back/neck muscles were ridiculously tight. So much so that he seemed more concerned about that then what I had actually come to see him for. He asked me if I had frequent headaches, and I confessed that I had a chronic headache that never completely went away. I had become so used to it over so many years that I barely even noticed it even unless it flared up extra badly. He told me I must have an extremely high tolerance for pain based on what he was seeing in my back and neck, and that most of his patients with muscles nowhere near as bad as mine would be wincing and whining, so he was shocked that I hadn’t even mentioned it. He went on to explain that it was most likely due to stress, and working too hard. Many people carry their stress in those muscles, but apparently mine was something of an extreme case. It was messing with my posture, and causing constant irritation that was surely affecting me daily even though I had become a little desensitized to it. It also likely was a contributing factor to the tinnitus and vertigo from my inner ear disorder. He looked me straight in the eye and said, “You know this isn’t normal right?” I laughed a little sheepishly as if to say, “Of course I know that," and he recommended some massage therapy to begin to loosen the muscles. He promised me that this was fixable. I didn’t have to live with the pain forever, but I did have to make some lifestyle changes, and place this a priority for awhile if I wanted to turn it around. This wasn’t him just trying to boost his business. He doesn’t even offer massage at his clinic. This was simply a kind and knowledgable man telling me bluntly that I needed to slow down and take better care of myself.
Feeling that I now had a good excuse to “justify” the expense, I went the next day for a chair massage. It was kind of embarrassing when the guy giving me the massage kept grunting and groaning like he was getting a serious workout, and made a big thing of telling me several times how overly tight my muscles were. Wow...this really WASN’T normal I realized. I walked out feeling marginally better, but went to my car - and cried.
Because here’s the thing...
The truth is I really hadn’t known. That it wasn’t normal. Sometimes we live with certain things in our lives for so long that we almost forget that there ever was a time when we didn’t. Something can become so much a part of our personal experience that we lose sight of the fact that not everyone experiences it quite like we do, and that maybe - just maybe - there’s a better way. We do this with our health, troubles in our relationships or careers, and so many other things. We resign ourselves, and accept, and overlook. We ignore. Perhaps in many circumstances that’s a good thing. A little “learning to live with it” attitude can be healthy and mature to a point. However, the primary purpose of pain is to alert us that something is wrong. When we try to either pretend it isn’t there or bravely tough it out without addressing the underlying cause, we allow that pain to continue. The longer it goes on the more damage can be caused. The more it takes root, the more difficult it can be to solve the issues and make things better.
So I committed to having a weekly massage until things improved, and sure enough they actually did. I wasn’t having as many headaches. My poor massage guy didn’t seem to be struggling as hard each time. I felt myself standing straighter and moving more freely. Progress was slow, but steady. I kept this up for many weeks. As so often happens, change in this area began to spill over into other areas of my life. Once I began to shine the light on one problem, it illuminated others as well. I kept hearing those words over and over in my mind as I took a good hard look at my life - “You know this isn’t normal, right?” Sometimes I would replace the word normal with “typical” or “optimal” for clarity, but the idea was basically the same. As I evaluated my “pains” with a truly open mind and heart, I became aware that I had been behaving as if ignoring them somehow made them go away. But alas, that almost never happens. Also on some deep level I think I had always felt proud of what a heavy load I could carry, but in reality everyone has their limits. Somewhere along the line I think I lost the ability to recognize what mine were. Overdoing it became the rule I was used to, rather than the occasional exception. Upon raw honest reflection, I had to admit that wasn’t always going very well. Now I had a question to hold things up to and evaluate them by.
For example, over the past few years I have been working 3 to 6 jobs at a time. Is that normal, or typical or optimal? No. Definitely not. Especially when I also am the mother of 9 kids and 4 step kids, with a huge family and home life to manage as well. No wonder I was always so stressed out. So what to do about it, when money is always on the tight side anyway? We’re not planning to give away any of the kids, but it became crystal clear that the job situation simply had to be addressed. Systematically I’ve been figuring out how to make improvements, and my whole family is happier because I have. This is just one of many categories that I started putting down on paper, so I could begin searching for concrete solutions. Baby steps to march in a healthier direction. I did amazingly well during those few months. I felt fantastic, hopeful and full of energy. Things were looking up.
But here’s the other thing...
Muscles and minds have memory. Until fully healed they can regress some if they once more become neglected. Kids’ activities, the holidays happened, along with a million other details, and massages along with many other resolves got pushed aside for a time. Today I felt stiff and sore again, my head ached and my heart a little too. And now I know...I really know...this isn’t normal. By “normal” I really mean “necessary,” because sadly it probably actually is the norm for people to continue to live with hurts and disappointments, even when they don’t have to. Lasting change is hard, and takes long term determination and commitment, but it’s so worth it to feel the joy of the difference. I am not inclined to accept this headache anymore, because now I know what not having one feels like. The same goes for the rest of my resolutions, so as often as it takes I’ll keep beginning again. Starts and stops toward the goal, but getting closer all the time. Isn’t that what life is really all about?
コメント