Who do you love? I mean really, really love? What do you love? Deep down at your core?
Sometimes it can be surprisingly hard to sort this out actually. Your brain may give one answer, while your actions are telling a different story. You might think there is a "right" way, so fear even asking yourself if is it real or healthy for you? Guilt, shame, obligation, habit, tradition, complacency. These are only a few of the brushes that paint a sometimes false picture of what you ought to believe, think and feel. But where can the truth of your heart actually be found?
This is a complex question that can't be fully addressed in one short post, but while pondering this morning I discovered that, for me, the key to unlocking the mysteries of my heart is found in my "want-to's." The places my thoughts and energy naturally flow when left to their own devices.
Where does your mind wander in unplanned daydream moments? Those unstructured times apart from the imposed schedules of daily life. When you first wake up in the morning, or as you're drifting off to sleep. Who or what are you thinking about when you aren't actively trying to think about anything? Does a relationship or activity in your life leave you feeling continuously drained? Or full of joy and vitality, even if it requires great effort?
Imagine you suddenly had a windfall of money, large enough that you no longer had to work to support yourself, and could afford to hire out all activities that you did not want to do anymore? With unlimited freedom to walk a soul fulfilling path, what in your current life would stay and what would fall away? Don't try to answer too quickly, or you might find yourself falling back on expected conclusions. Really sit with the concept for awhile and let it fully sink in. What would you do every day if you could do only things you truly wanted to do, and just be with people you deeply wanted to spend spend time with. See what comes up for you. The answers may surprise you.
The temptation is to immediately go big or go home mentally. It's ok to roll with that and fantasize about taking a year long world travel tour, and buying the sports cars or mansions, with closets full of designer clothes. But then...after you've bought all the stuff and been all of the places...you still have a lot of life left to live. How will you fill your time then? What activities will still matter and feel purposeful? Who do you hope is still standing there with you? What do you desire to be able to give to others? This is the heart of it. What remains after stripping away all of the obligations and external trappings? This is what you love.
Why does this exercise matter? I mean...most of us will never be lottery winners after all, right?
But the truth is that no matter what our financial status is, or relationship status, or any other external measurement, life is a precious gift. We all wake up every single morning with choices regarding how to live out each new day we are given. Yes, we need money, but there are a million different ways to make it. We need food and housing, but where, when and how much are optional. Most of us desire relationships, but we can choose how we behave toward others and how close to allow them to be.
The point is that at any time you can swerve and change to align more closely with your heart once you discover it. Even baby steps in that direction can increase your levels of peace and happiness immeasurably, which in turn will allow you greater ability to genuinely serve. Small changes may ultimately inspire you to create a different life altogether. Or you might realize that what you have already is amazing just as it is, and appreciate it more. The important thing is to to become more heart-centered, and lead with love from that place.
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